decisions

i’m back to feeling like my mind is going at a mile a minute again. but this time, not out of dis-organization, but decisions that have weighed heavy on my heart.

i am pretty much blissful about my daily life right now. i love being at home, doing my thing, seeing the sun move around the house between tasks. having the luxury of freedom whenever something comes up or whenever wil has time off is truly a luxury. we may not make much money, but our marriage is blessed by very little conflict arising from finances (well, none actually).

so when i had two personally referred full time job leads from two completely unrelated friends, within 20 hours of one another, everything went all upside down. note: of course, i was not looking for a job.

ok god, you got my attention.

am i not supposed to be doing what i’m doing now? should i be back in the workforce outside the home until kids come into the picture? would it be beneficial to throw our freedom away for a huge financial increase of having two paychecks again? is it worth it to enter in to another season of our marriage where we work conflicting schedules and never have overlapping time off, and only see each other some mornings, and some nights? do i pursue this position (one of the jobs was at a church), even though we didn’t attend this community?

these were only a few of the questions swarming around my mind and heart the few days that followed. they felt like you’d be able to see little bees humming around my head like a cloud.

needless to say, i had to seek out help. while no one could give me the answer (how i wished they would!), i trusted i would hear god’s plan through my wise siblings and friends.

my sister was the first to give me advice, and wouldn’t you know, it was what i didn’t want to hear at the time, but ended up ringing to most true when this whole thing came to a close. i ended up hearing from the one at the church who was eager to meet with me that a perfect fit came along that weekend, and i had chosen to not pursue the other. a year ago in the thick of job hunting i’d have felt so defeated on getting a ‘sorry, thanks anyways’. but this time around, i breathed a sigh of relief. the weight was off my shoulders and confirmed where i am right now.

my sister told me ‘maybe god was literally throwing this into your lap to not have you take the job, but to get you to sit down, analyze your life, marriage, church, priorities, etc’. and that’s what i had done. i made pros and cons of me right now vs me working full time again. i thought about our current church. i thought about wil’s and my marriage right now, and how drastically it would change just by nature of circumstances. and even the ugly decision of what is worth sacrificing just to make more money?

so i sit here on the other side, in the same spot as i was before this all came about, and i’m quite content. and you know what? god chose to bless my little business afterwards by opening up two local events for life at the table to be a part of and a bulk order of the drawstring (produce) bags to be utilized on a mission trip to cambodia in a few weeks (more on that later!). wahoo! he is good.

*linked up with the wiegands…